The Power of Words

It's been said many times, many ways- no, not Merry Christmas.  I'm talking about the fact that the words you speak create your reality.  Whether you call it Proverbs 18:21 (Death and life are in the power of the tongue) or the Law of Attraction, the principle is the same.  It's been said so many times, so many ways because it's so true.
I want to address specifically how the power of language as it relates to relationships between men and women- even more specifically how women speak about men.  Women, talk shows, chick flicks and books have been accused of male bashing.  I'm not even going to deny it.  I don't have to go very far to hear a woman downing men.  Our co-workers do it; we do it in groups on girls' night out; we do it at the hair salon.

• Men are dogs
• Men are crazy
• Men are liars
• Men cheat
• Just like a man
• Men ain't sh*t

These are the adjectives and phrases used often when women speak of significant others, husbands, baby daddies, fathers, cut buddies and other male figures.  That's just the tip of the iceberg.  It gets much worse than that.  I don't think most of it is malicious though.  I think many times it may stem from aggravation, hurt or a general lack of understanding of male behavior.  Even though we've learned that men and women communicate differently, women sometimes still don't understand the male way of communicating or being in a relationship.  Sometimes we have legitimate reasons for being confused or angry. Other times it's because we've analyzed, dissected and evaluated a man's words and behavior to death- far beyond what he actual meant- which was "hello."
Regardless of how it starts, this language is so damaging to all parties involved- the speakers, hearers and subjects.  This quote from Calling In The One by Katherine Woodward Thomas sums it up:

If you complain that 'all the good ones are taken,' then you'll probably meet only married or engaged people that you are attracted to.  If you believe in your heart that you'll never find true love, then my guess is that you'll probably be right.  'I thought you would never get here.' [she] said.  ' I know, and that's what took me so long...' writes Marianne Williamson.

So, we dog men out, complain about them, slander their names and those are the very men we wind up meeting and later entangled with and repeating the same cycle with.  That's powerful!  It's bad enough that adult women do it but we teach girls to think, talk and manifest this way as well.  Let's go back to square one.  Before male and female we are all human- all divinely created for the same purpose with the same value.  Then we have different roles.  One is incomplete without the other; neither is better than the other.  We need each other.  I often wonder when I hear women complaining about men- do you like men?  Listening to the animosity and absolute venom coming from them, one would think they despise men.  I doubt that is actually the case (consciously) but the consequences are the same.
I love men!  I love everything about how God created them- strong, protectors, loving, kind, kings, leaders.  I love how they fix things, kill scary bugs, open tight jars, lift heavy objects, navigate trips (even if they won't stop for directions), stand up for women and children, live and breathe sports, open doors, head households and all the other things God created them to do perfectly.  I love how they think differently than I do even if I don't always understand or agree.  I love how they balance and complement my divinely feminine, emotional, nurturing, intuitive way of being.  Of course, some of them make me mad, hurt my feelings, irritate me, lie, break promises, disappoint me or don't meet my expectations.  Then again, so I do and as do most people (women included)- not intentionally of course.  It doesn't warrant maligning an entire sex and it certainly isn't worth the malevolence that those words and thoughts invite into our lives.
So, when I'm upset or confused and tempted to lash out with vicious generalizations about men, I remember two things: 1) my own flaws 2) my deep, trusting, hopeful, persevering, forgiving, unfailing love for men.  I consciously choose to invite the people and circumstances I desire into my life with the words I speak, the thoughts I have and the conversation I choose to be a part of.
Much love ♥

All dressed up with the wrong accessories

Women are known for taking a long time to get ready.  Yes, men sometimes complain about this fact but it's unlikely to change.  You have to understand all that goes into the entire process.  There's hair, clothing, make-up, accessories, skincare and so many details involved in just those areas alone.  Yes we bought all of those clothes in the closet; so technically we should like all of them.  But, we must choose the perfect outfit for the occasion and it must be one that makes us feel beautiful.  And it's not just the outfit that must be considered.  A woman has to choose just the right underwear to compliment the outfit she's wearing, conceal pantylines, boost bosoms and give her that extra little umph.  I really don't think men have any idea the lengths women go to to stay beautiful, get glam and turn heads.  Most men would be appalled and frightened at hair removal alone! 

So, you can understand why "fine" is not the answer we're looking for when we ask how we look. 

As a woman, I understand all of this- the preparation, the extra swing in our hips, smile on our lips and stride in our steps when all that preparation does not go unnoticed.  What I do not understand is why a woman would go to all that trouble to look flawless and fabulous only to ruin her look with a "stank" attitude when she receives attention.  I see it and hear about it all of the time.  Women know they look good going out for a night on the town with their girlfriends but when they are approached by a man, especially one who is not their ideal, but any man really, the attitude goes full tilt.  A man may approach just to say hello or give her a compliment.  Her eyes roll, head turns and her neck may even snap as if she is annoyed that this lowly, trifling man (whom she knows nothing about) had the audacity to approach her majesty when he should have known to just admire her from afar like the rest of the peasants.  Instead of smiling and saying thank you, she mutters something to make sure he knows that his attention is more unwelcome than a mink coat in the desert. 

This may be a problem with all women but I am speaking specifically to my African American sisters who seem to be angry with attitude for no reason.  Usually when someone is recounting one of these stories to me or when I observe it firsthand, I'm thinking, "Why in the heck didn't you just wear sweatpants and a t-shirt or better yet just stay home?"  That's guaranteed to keep all the undesirables far away from you.  It's just not logical.  No one is saying you have to marry or even date every man who speaks to you.  Just have some common courtesy to treat every man, every person with respect and kindness.  Practice (yes, practice) being gracious, feminine, open and approachable.  If these qualities do not come naturally to you, you must practice.  Every compliment received and word spoken to you is an opportunity to practice- and improve your karma.

Although these women may act as if the world revolves around them and they are it on a stick, I tend to think that internally they feel quite the opposite.  If I feel good about myself and who I am there's no need to lash out at other people.  There's a serious lack of self-love going on in my opinion- yes, and in some cases a bit of narcissism and snobbery.  I don't care how good you think you look, how expensive your clothes are or how perfect your beauty regimen is- it's all ruined by a negative, angry attitude.  Love, joy, gratitude and kindness must be abundant within to radiate without and that radiance is the most priceless fashion accessory we can adorn ourselves with.